I’m not sending a Christmas card this year. Here’s a blog post instead.

I could come up with a few excuses as to why I’m not sending out cards for the holidays. 1. I’m foot-binding my carbon footprint. I’m saving Earth one Christmas tiding at a time. I believe this is called “greening your holidays.” 2. I want to save you from a self-aggrandizing letter with all my accomplishments listed in chronological order from the past year. In reality, that’s what my other blog posts are for. 3. Harvey and the cat cried on Santa’s lap. … But, in all honesty, things are pretty busy over here and I just didn’t have any gosh-darn time! And, I figured rather than sit down and hand-write a ton of letters in a rushed fashion, why not just send a thoughtful tiding to all via blog.

When I think about holiday letters, David Sedaris’ short story book Holidays On Ice comes to mind. If you haven’t read it, do it now (seriously, go read it). Among the many hysterical essays in his book there are, “SantaLand Diaries” (which has been turned into a fantastic one-man play), “Dinah, the Christmas Whore,” and my all-time favorite “Season’s Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!”Β “Season’s Greetings” is a wonderful essay because it takes the idea of Christmas letters and pokes fun at them. It’s written from the perspective of Mrs. Dunbar, and she is writing to tell her extended family and friends about the interesting turn of events her family has encountered over the past year. I won’t tell you more, because I don’t want to spoil it, but it’s flipping fantastic. If you like some snark and fancy yourself a Grinch, you’ll definitely enjoy this essay. It’s a real gem — and a delightful alternative to The Night Before Christmas. (Just don’t read it to children. Cursing is a plenty.)

Along with dusting off my copy of Holidays On Ice, I’ll be partaking in other yuletide festivities. Dressing Harvey and Loki* up in lots of red and green fuzzy clothes and taking their pictures; pacing the aisles of TJ Maxx, salivating like a mad dog; and last but not least, drinking and eating until I explode. I will then hop on a plane and head to Colorado to spend Christmas with my parents, Pat and Herm, and my brother, Nick. The Hermanson compound (big house, Alpine Drive) is in Breckenridge, and we’ll spend our days skiing and nights eating and drinking more. I will then return to Virginia and detox for the next 12 months.

Nothing super crazy planned. Pretty low-key little holiday with the fam, but I’m very excited to spend some quality time with them. We haven’t spent Christmas together in four years — and we rarely are all together anymore since we are spread out across the country. So, I’m very thankful that we will be under the same roof for a few days.

As for you all, I hope you have a wonderful holiday, wherever you may be, whatever you may be doing, celebrating whatever religious/nonreligious holiday you will be celebrating. I hope you are blessed with happiness and surrounded by the ones you love this holiday season! cheers, marissaΒ 

*Harvey and Loki are my dog and cat. They are not children.

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